everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
