i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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