So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
