Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
