the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
