It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
