oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
