She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
