I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
