Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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