eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
