maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
