1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
