and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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