Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just gift wrapped bread.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
