My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
