I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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