Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
