I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
id be glad to
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
