hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
