Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
