I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
