so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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