Ambien. No doubt about it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
