He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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