Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
