nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
