My underwear smells like fireworks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
