He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
