Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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