I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
