please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
