I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
