She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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