My friends, they love my intelligence
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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