OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
