I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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