Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
