Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we have officially lost it.
North Korea, Best Korea!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
