All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
