Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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