Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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