I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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