Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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