the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
