...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
