wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I checked into jail on foursquare
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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