How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
