The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
