I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
no. you can't hotbox the world.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
