Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
