I want to have your abortion
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
