Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
