I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
