I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
