so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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