Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
