I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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