Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm jealous of your bromance
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
