I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
