At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
