mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
