yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
