And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
