Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
