So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
