JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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