apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
