He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
