I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
