Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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