You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
