either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize