You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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