found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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