I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
