dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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