6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
