Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
