i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
