The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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